Authenticity and embracing the outcast

Isn't it true that we all crave for authenticity in our search for why are we here? What is the purpose of each one of our lives? For a lots of us the yearning to express our being in an authentic way or to yearning to express that authenticity of our being is central to finding that connection to meaning and purpose. Those of us who can excavate this authenticity and to be able to actually manifest it, because of course, authenticity only becomes real, when it is actually expressed and manifested, then we can feel that moment where it feels like something has landed.

And it's not something that is ever possible to bring into words. And it's sometimes not even reflected, in fact, mostly my own experience, it is never reflected in whatever is already there outside. And it has nothing to do with anything commercial, or transactional. It's not to please anybody else. It's not to service anybody else. But rather, it's like that incredible manifestation. In fact, in, in some of the ancient Indian poetic invocations, it is said, like it must be hurled out or it must be propelled or just impelled out, when you come into touch with the authenticity that it is so fiery, that it must just be propelled out as an expression.

And that is a transient moment. And so therefore, authenticity can never be captured as a template. Sometimes we mistake authenticity for the values that we are, or that we are invited to embody or to express in our lives. And there is nothing wrong with those values. But they are not what authenticity is about time speaking about the values of acceptance, patience, service, being helpful, all of them are important. But authenticity is something else it is for in my experience, it has been something of a creative expression, it's always been connected to the creative domain, something that is of the soul.

And it just flows out. It just, it's like a dam that's broken, and the waters just come rushing out. And there is no way that we are really standing there shaping each step of it. But it just comes out. It's an outpouring. And so many of the archetypal invocations are this, they're called this outpouring, the words that are used are words that denote an outpouring,

I also wanted to share this connection between the outcast experience and authenticity. And I wanted to share something from my own life, which has the witch has really given me a lot of teaching about the connection between the outcast archetype and the expression of authenticity. I grew up in a family with a lot of narcissistic constellations and dynamics. And for those who have had this experience, you may know that this is one of the most complicated and difficult experiences to actually share with those who don't have any experience of these dynamics, because these dynamics often exist in very familial in very intimate or familial or domestic situations and is completely invisible to anybody outside.

So, there is a very different projection of the reality that is everybody else sees and something quite else is happening in the privacy of the domestic sphere. So, as I grew up, I had this dissonance I had this experience of reality which was happening to me and I also had this reality that was presented or was projected, and which everybody around supported and enabled and bought int. Now I'm sure that some of them were able to, perhaps to sense that there were other things going on. And I've heard people say that to me later. But nobody wants to confront and to upset the status quo. So there are this parallel realities going on.

As a child, this is confusing. And those of you have had this experience, perhaps may understand when I say that. But what saved me was that I had dance in my life from a very young age, and I was lucky enough to be with a teacher who held that who held that archetypal wisdom of authenticity in his in his dancing, it's not that he spoke about it or analyzed it or intellectualized it. But there was that in in his dance, and maybe because of some past life, remnants of a past life, I apprehended it in that way, not because I had words for it, either. When I was young, I didn't, I only came to perceive it much later in life. But nevertheless, it was somewhere in there, I had this sensation of what was authenticity in that politic, expressive sense and templated sense.

And then this reality that I was being asked to almost enact, which had nothing to do with what was my sensation, my apprehension of what was happening. And this even seeped into the dancing because when I started learning dance, it was really to fulfill what the adults around me wanted. They wanted me to be a dancing star, I was a performer from the age of nine. And, you know, I had what you might call a certain stardom at a very young age, I was very successful. But at a very young age, again when I was about 18, I began to question, this performative aspect of dancing. I felt like it wasn't really what I wanted to do, what expressed where I was positioning myself in the dance, and that led to a falling away and excommunication from the dance from the mainstream of dance itself.

And, in my personal life, a falling away from the family, because of certain personal decisions I made. And there was this emergence of this outcast’s space. So in the dance tradition, there are these many ancient goddesses, who are Outcast goddesses, they are goddesses who are not in the village, but in the forest, beyond and outside of the village. So in order to meet these goddesses, we have to make a very deliberate decision to leave the village and venture into the dangers of the forest. And I very early on, I had an experience of this forest space, all the time, even as a child, this wildness, of what I was feeling, which was not validated by anybody around me. And the village that seemed to have its own story, which really wasn't congruent with my authentic experience of what was going on.

This Outcast space was truly a gift of all of these experiences. I don't want to be simplistically positive. It has taken me years and continues to take me much energy and attention to deal with some of those dynamics. And to all of those who have had similar experiences, my heart goes out to you because I know how challenging they can be. But what I'm saying here is that the beauty of this archetypal wisdom was that it allowed me to embrace the trajectory of my life, and the intelligence that it provides. And to bring me back to return me or to open up that quest that yearning for authenticity, and the courage and the ferocity, the choicelessness.

I needed to express this authenticity so that I could survive so that I could breathe and so that I could find the reason that I am alive here in this particular consciousness in these times. So I hope that this reflection on the outcast space, and authenticity brings some intelligence about the dynamics of this yearning for authenticity. And the fact that it is never easy, there is always going perhaps it won't be the challenges that I faced, but they will inevitably be challenges. It is not templated it is not outside of us there are no roadmaps and templates that are given to us.

Indeed, it may even be very threatening to people around us. And I'm not even speaking about the macro cosmic threats of overturning societies. I'm speaking about the very simple everyday situations, the narratives, which we hang on to, to not upset the status quo to not rock the boat. And authenticity can challenge some of those narratives. And these were known to the ancient archetypal traditions, and they provide this whole archetypal constellation, where the ferocity that is needed this energy and the strength that is needed, and sometimes even the aloneness that is needed. All of this is embraced, protected, nourished, seen, and celebrated in archetypal invocations of authenticity.