Dhumavathi returns

Dissolution is in the air in my cosmos...

 Firstly one of the women in my individual program said that I reminded her of Dhumavathi.

 Then the Ancient One, the blue tongue lizard that took up residence in my courtyard at the beginning of this year and disappeared over winter, reappeared. I had named her after Dhumavathi.

 Then this week, all my sessions with women in my individual program had a strange pattern of dissolving. Either we met and the plans for the class simply dissolved, or we met and could not practice because of Zoom problems or we could not meet at all. The dance of dissolution was very present.

 And then this morning, one of the rooms in my house is filled with the stench of decaying dead animal- possibly a rat in the roof.

Decay, dissolution, the patient and ancient eyes of the Ancient One...

And so I welcome Dhumavathi again. She is the unwashed, nomadic Goddess that holds in her ancient body the most confronting of all polarities- old age and sensuality. She is Reality as the smoke that wafts between our mind-created forms and words. She roams amongst decay and waste, inviting our attention to everything we reject in our fantasies of Reality—dissolution, endings and the inevitability of decay.

 In these time Dhumavathi reminds me that dissolution is also a dance and the Goddess. As much as manifesting and coming into form. There is a suspension of breath in dissolution that is almost ecstatic, even while it is tinged with trepidation. And there is unconditional freedom in wandering the wasteland, stepping between the decay, meandering without purpose and meaning. This is also Reality.

 And so I sit and watch the Ancient One, as she patiently waits for a glimpse of the sun after three days of rain.